Rachel's Speech
by LilithL2
Summary: Kurt was the only one who was in the actual Rachel side tonight, but in a way, all of them were. The Oscars ceremony was special this year. All critics and media were stunned by Rachel's performance in her last movie. She makes a speech that leaves everybody stunned by the inside scoop from the famous closed actress and tears in their eyes.


Kurt was the only one who was in the actual Rachel side tonight, but in a way, all of them were. Everybody was sitting in front of their big screens because even if at some point they didn't get along, even if most of them never would get caught dead watching this or think that it's boring, Glee club ended being as important as their own families and tonight they are waiting for one of their own. Like some families, Glee members only see each other every other year, but that doesn't mean that they didn't send a mail every now and then. They tried hard to keep in touch, at least to know what each other where and how are doing. "The unnamed accident", in a way united all of them more than they thought possible. The only one who didn't try to keep in touch was Rachel. She stayed away, some thought – like Mercedes – that she was too full of herself or because she became a stupid super star, she forgot about her origins, but Santana knew everybody was wrong, she's 99% sure the "anonymous" donation Artie received for his new legs was from Rae and Mike got in a prestigious dancing school because he received several "endorsements" he didn't even ask for it. Even Santana herself received a present when she graduated from medical school with an unsigned note, saying "Lima Hights had to be proud". Santana laughed and cried a lot that night.

Rachel just coped with "the tragedy" in a different way. She closed up in a predictable failed attempt to protect herself. She faded away but Santana is happy that at least in the "fairy mother" role, Rae picked up there are still parts of her old self that Santana can recognize. It's proof that Rae still considers them family and keeps taps on them even from afar; she just not prepared to confront the lost space and the clear absentia that would be even more prominent if they all meet.

Tonight all of them were connected by internet, so they could hear each other's comments from different states. The Oscars ceremony was special this year. All critics and media were stunned by Rachel's performance in her last movie. She was everybody's favorite and after several minors categories it was about time to announce the best actress award.

The cameras were looking for the candidates with their expected regarded, polite and nervous smiles; the only one out of tune was Rachel. She didn't seem really to be all there or happy at all. The only time she smiled was when Kurt took her hand and kissed it – the media sometimes still romantically connect the two of them even when they know Kurt is 100% gay; just because he's one of the only friends you can ever see around Rachel. You have to admit than an actress and singer, Broadway and Hollywood star without social relationships is extremely rare.

Gleeks had several comments about it; Mercedes was even angry with Rachel attitude thinking Rae didn't really care about the Oscars' award because she was above it as always or so sure of winning she didn't have to pretend to smile. Santana looked at Brittany with a sad face, confirming that possibly they were the only ones who understood what was really happening tonight. It had to be one of the most difficult nights for Rae. Santana sometimes forgot that everybody thought they know her but the real Rae kept her most important relationships close to the chest and even old friends didn't really understand why "the accident", hit Rae stronger than everybody else. Santana is sure they don't know that Rae still hasn't been able to properly move on from it.

After an estrange introduction by a comedian actor whose jokes nobody laughed about, the winner was announced. Kurt had to push Rachel to get up and start to walk. Everybody was clapping hard meanwhile Rachel seemed to slowly climb the few steps to the stage and take the statue with a forced smile. She looked up, like she needed strength from above and breathed hard before speaking.

_Probably everybody knows by now I wanted recognition and this it has been my dream since I was a child. I watched the Oscars with just 4 years old and thought my destined path just cleared in front of me. _– all gleeks laughed -

_While my lovely fathers worried because my latest obsession didn't seem to fall out into the oblivion, I researched how you can win this kind of prize and how to be the "ultimate" actress; I made several of mine's infamous long lists but as I grew up I finally reduced all my points to one. You may call it the key point of success. The actress has to involve herself in a way, it has to touch her, she has to open her soul, she has to tap in her own emotions and find similar feelings as her character and makes the writing and the story hers. It's the only way you can try to touch not just your heart but the heart of everyone viewing you and I think I did it. It felt like the camera assaulted and invaded my memory box. _

_This movie talks about grief and I think I been grieving for 10 years without even trying. I was starting to open up and enjoying life again when this script crossed my table. I always wanted an Oscar contender movie. Which actor doesn't! I couldn't believe the industry wanted to pursuit an intimate movie like this and wanted me to be in it. I was so convinced this kind of drama was out of fashion. It was a life opportunity without a doubt. But I was terrified; I wanted to refuse badly; this story touched me too close, it was too hard. _

Rachel had to restrain her tears; the public didn't have the luxury of "eye" training and Santana saw a tear rolling from Brittany's cheek. The public wondered what was all that about. Mercedes asked _who is she talking about? _Santana looked at her surprised and answered _If you really have to ask, you don't know Rae at all._ –

_Being terrified is exactly the reason why I did it. 10 years ago I made two promises, one of them to believe in myself and never be afraid or at least, not let fear rule me. I heard a voice whispering me over and over "what frighten us usually are the most challenging and important things to us". If I could just tell to my younger self this words… If I had been brave I would have said the truth… to close the gap between us and took your hand... maybe my story would be different, I wouldn't be here, I wouldn't have the background to have pulled this movie through… _

_So I called Richard and David to accept even if it ripped again my already broken heart and all the progress I achieved. I don't think he knew what he was signing for thou; I am in a way ashamed to confess that I was more a mess than a professional. I couldn't stop to feel when he said "cut". I remembered. I felt. I cried. I forgot which name I was supposed to say nearly every time and changed most of my lines. _

Everybody was stunned by this inside scoop from the famous closed actress. Even the ruthless TV producer who always calculates the gala to the second didn't seemed rushed to play the infamous music that always ends the speeches. Santana would always remember with teary smile in her face the scene when Rae character in the movie says in a frightened whisper "We're kinda friends, huh? … Kind of" -

_At the end of the first week I was stunned David, the producers and the studio didn't fire me on the spot and veto me for life for cheating and signing a contract I knew in advance I couldn't complete with professionalism. By the end of the movie I was convinced they just keep me because it was more expensive to stop the production than to find somebody else. I want to thank them for taking this leap to the void with this story and with me. I never worked with a more approachable and loving crew. _

Short applauses stopped her speech for a minute. By now all the public had tears in their eyes, even Santana who was being held by Brittany. She remembered when she went to the cinema. It's a story about strength, loss, dead. It's a story about love. It became Santana and everyone's favorite even if she cried all day long afterwards and she's not sure if she will ever watch it again. She can't even start to imagine how challenging was for Rae to film it. She sent her a letter afterwards via Kurt thanking her for the effort.

_I heard that this is my best performance, praises haven't stop since the premier and I suppose you can't receive a better proof than this award. But I can't tell, I'm not lying, I don't really know, I haven't watch it and I think that neither did most of my close ones. I want to thank my family and all my friends for their silence and constant support. You can't imagine how difficult it was enduring it the first time around. I don't think I would have done it without them. _

The camera showed a tearing Kurt in the public before focusing again in a Rachel that seemed to smile remembering.

_The other promise I did 10 years ago was to stand up here and thank my first admirer. I don't think she never doubted I would be here at some point but she made me say it. Promise it in Barbara's name if you can believe it! What a nerve!... I think that was more a dare than a promise to try to motivate me, but … Nobody will say I am not a woman of my word. I would never say Barbara's name in vain. _

She looked up again and raised the Oscar award. -

_This award is without a doubt because of you, because you gave me the strength to pursuit my dream even if in the beginning your methods were questionable at best. Because you made believing in myself possible and resilient enough with your hard words to endure this kind of life; because I want to thank you for letting me know the real you and make me a better person while you were alive. Only you could make me laugh crying and cry laughing. This is about you, to you and for you. I wish I could go back in time; I would change this dream in a heard beat just to be at your side again, put my arms around you and confess over and over again what I hope you knew deep in your heart. I miss you. I love you. Thank you and goodnight._

With a last silence tear rolling Santana's cheek, she promised herself she wouldn't keep her silent support of Rae anymore. She would book a plane just to hug her and let Rae know how proud Quinn would have been of her for keeping Barbara's promise.

My skin - Natalie Merchant

My soul ghost - Dana kerstein


End file.
